My brain and body are in balance again after yesterdays medication mixup. Today was a "pay attention to the present" day for me. A day filled with many baby steps forward. Days like these are nice. I was so grateful to feel like I was in the right time-zone both physically and mentally.
I had a chance to think about how I used to be before I learned, grew up, matured and became a functioning, responsible, loving, happy, giggling and feeling human (who is) being. I look back now with a bit of detachment and a bit more wisdom. I have little tolerance for self-hate, guilt or regret about my past. I am finding it hard to remember how I use to feel, especially when I hitthe a bottom and my therapist sent me running, then crawling, to my first Al-Anon meeting. I was desperate, alone, afraid, and vascillated between crying out of hopelessness and shaking out of anger. I was a mess (and unmedicated, unfortunately).
Today, I know what peace, forgiveness, gentleness, empathy and love are. I give and receive these daily in some form or another. Some days I can only manage to love myself. That is okay. I don't have to kick myself or be jealous of others. I don't have to endlessly want what I don't have, thinking it or them will fill a hole in my life. I am enough. I trust the Universe today to provide the experiences, guidance and gentle lessons that I need to keep growing into the being I was created to be. I believe that it is that way for every spirit who is on a journey like me.
I'm off to take care of myself, indulge is some new girl-stuff I bought and go to sleep. At peace and grateful. My hope for you as well, dear one.
I had a chance to think about how I used to be before I learned, grew up, matured and became a functioning, responsible, loving, happy, giggling and feeling human (who is) being. I look back now with a bit of detachment and a bit more wisdom. I have little tolerance for self-hate, guilt or regret about my past. I am finding it hard to remember how I use to feel, especially when I hit
Today, I know what peace, forgiveness, gentleness, empathy and love are. I give and receive these daily in some form or another. Some days I can only manage to love myself. That is okay. I don't have to kick myself or be jealous of others. I don't have to endlessly want what I don't have, thinking it or them will fill a hole in my life. I am enough. I trust the Universe today to provide the experiences, guidance and gentle lessons that I need to keep growing into the being I was created to be. I believe that it is that way for every spirit who is on a journey like me.
I'm off to take care of myself, indulge is some new girl-stuff I bought and go to sleep. At peace and grateful. My hope for you as well, dear one.
hope you have a good day and glad the med issues are behind you...keep an eye out for those experiences...
ReplyDeleteLovely! Thanks for the message, and what kind of girl-stuff??
ReplyDeleteThe change before and after recovery is remarkable. I was just going through the motions of living before Al-Anon and much of it was a lie. I feel much better now.
ReplyDelete