ODAT-One Day at a Time

When I was reading one of my favorite bloggers today, Mr. Sponsorpants, the post hit me right where I am right now.  Having a kid who is out there, in every sense of the word, is only something another parent who is going through the same thing can understand.  Letting go of a son/daughter is different.  I have heard it a hundred times in the rooms of Alanon.  I didn't know what it meant until it happened in our family.  For 18 years, it was my responibility, morally, legally and by my very nature, to care for, protect, guide, and comfort this precious being.  On his 18th birthday, the law says that I am not longer needed.  Well, slap me with a stick and call me uncle.

I can't add much to his response.  My guess is he's been to or secretly knows an Alanon or two!  There is hope in our meetings.  There is laughter, tears, hugs, respect and unconditional love at our meetings.  We care about you, the parent.  My life does not revolve around my troubled child today.  I still hurt for him, sometimes the fear sneaks in when I'm not looking, but I know I have whatever I need, and so does my child.  It takes time, it takes work and it takes an open mind.  For me, I had to get to where I was willing to try anything....and Alanon was there. 

I keep you in my prayers today.  I pray you get to the meeting you need and hear the things you need to hear.  I pray someone shares with you, one on one.  It will be okay..no matter what.. and so will you.  I am living proof.

Namaste

Posted in: on Monday, November 9, 2009 at at 9:20 AM 0 comments Links to this post    

On my gratitude list this past week has been the chance to re-do or begin again at any point in the day.  I think that is one of the most wonderful qualities of my HP.  The generous ability to begin again, in thought and deed.  I have not had one of my best weeks this week.  I have not accomplished what I intended.  My procrastination has been alive and well.  I have been in a mini-battle with myself and it gets tiring.  I have also done some really good things for myself.  The good news is that when I feel like I am drowning, or going down the wrong path, I can stop and start over.  Standing around and belittling myself or judging myself only wastes my time and my energy. 

I also know that when I can get outside myself for a bit..it helps me to realize that I am not the center of the universe.  I am just a part of.  And that feeling is enough for me today.

Namaste

Posted in: on Saturday, November 7, 2009 at at 1:05 PM 0 comments Links to this post    

I learned a long time ago that I don't have the wisdom to understand why some people do horrible things to others.  I do know, after some hard work at looking at myself, why I did horrible things that hurt people.  I can share these things now without shame or paralyzing guilt.   The 12 Steps shows me how.  Because I know that fear, anger, self-pity, ego, and lack of a spiritual connection fueled my destructive actions, I can only imagine the levels that these reached in the man who altered the lives of so many, so quickly.

Anger can breed anger.  Hurt can breed hate.  The cycle continues.  I think that is just our state of humanity when we forget who created us and that help is always available.  I can break the cycle in my own little part of the world here.  That is what I can do when bad things happen.  Pray and change the things I can.

I am grateful today.  I will make a special effort to reach out to someone who might be isolating and hurting.  One phone call or one human connection can change a person.  I have been on the receiving end of moments like these and I can tell you I remember them.  Desparation and despair call for only one thing---a loving response (thanks Scott W. for reminding me of this today).

Reach out today--look for the compassion beneath the anger and hurt you might feel--know that there but the grace of God go I--we---

Namaste

Posted in: on Friday, November 6, 2009 at at 12:07 PM 1 comments Links to this post    

I was looking back on some posts and realize that I’ve been writing a lot about A.A. stuff.    I am going to get back to my own program now and try to stick to Alanon tools and principals for awhile.  After all, that is where I belong. 

The Area Assembly is Saturday and I forgot it.  I did make a hotel reservation months ago and if I hadn’t received the hotel’s reminder email, I would have missed it all together.  It is in a town about 1.5 hours away so I think I will get up early and drive Saturday.  Our washer died and we have decided to get a new one instead of risking buying another used one.  I can do one or the other and I will use a washer more than I need a hotel room. 

My oldest son now has a girlfriend and this is the child that I thought would be a bachelor till 30.  It really doesn’t have my name on it but this is just another opportunity for me to practice letting go.  It really does get easier.  She seems like a sweet girl, not that he asked my opinion…

Tomorrow is our errand day and a VA appointment.  Hopefully I will have a new washer by Monday.  Other child is still out there but always, always in my heart and prayers.  That gets easier too.

My heart is also with a fellow blogger who is experiencing things that life, for all of us, ultimately brings our way.  I know I will be there, too, in some way, some day so I read her blog knowing that what she shares can help me when I am challenged in my own life.

Namaste and {{{hugs}}} (you know who you are)

Posted in: on Thursday, November 5, 2009 at at 12:59 PM 2 comments Links to this post    

My Alanon sponsor is a wise woman and she often uses the A.A. Big Book as a tool.  She and I both have a particular love for the promises of A.A. (pgs 83-84 of the Big Book).  Here they are:

"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them."

I'm sharing this because although Alanon does not have their own "promises", this passage, like the 12 Steps, have helped me to become who I am today.  I understand the truth in the words above.  It has been awhile now since I have come through the doors with all of those fears and other raw emotions and baggage I carried for so long.  I did not know what to do with them.  I did not know how to live without them for fuel for my own merry-go-round in life.  I am so grateful for the therapist who suggested Alanon to me.  I don't remember her name or face but I remember her words.

I found out some news this week that wasn't surprising but still hurt.  Those old feeling of despair and wanting to do something, anything, in order to feel like I had some control came sneaking up on me.  But I know what they are now and I have a huge tool box in order to deal with them without destroying myself, my life, or the lives of those I love.  I picked up the phone and checked in with someone who is really sick now.  I made a commitment to go to more meetings this week.  I did something that I had been putting off (and it turned out better than I had feared!).  I made an extra effort not to insert myself into a situation that I have left in my HPs hands (that is still hard).  I did something nice for my husband and tried to be more pleasant to him.  I didn't judge myself for something that I could have in past times.  I got the privilege of getting a phone call yesterday and listened to someone else who was having difficulties.  I truly know how to instinctively handle problems that use to baffle me. 

I got up this morning and am grateful that I have heat, and a partner, and animals that love me no matter what.  I hope to be of service today and that my HP holds both my children, and the rest of those I love in safety, love, and light.

I hope your day holds a few happy surprises for you and I hope you see the promises of AA in your own life.

Namaste

Posted in: on Wednesday, November 4, 2009 at at 10:20 AM 2 comments Links to this post